That wasn't as funny as I hoped. Can I offer you a vile of clown sperm in retribution? That's like distilled hilarious.
In less pressing news, The Contortions were perhaps the most significant (albeit least representative) of the New York No Wave scene blooming in the late 70's-early 80's. By "least representative" I mean the glut of No Wave bands are atonal, wailing, racket, while the Contortions actually had a well-practiced, tight groove that happened to be just as noisy and confrontational as their peers. It's not that Teenage Jesus and DNA don't appeal to me (they do), but with all their gusto, it was rare that they turned their idiosyncrasies into anything memorable that your everyday Joe might stumble upon (in NYC on this fine day in 1980)..
Buy is 9 tracks of rigid drum patterns, scrappy jazzy guitar, funky basslines, and the skronkin' sax and high energy yelps of James Chance - all within a half-hour; perfect for someone breaking into the genre to stomach. The album is out of print (I think?), but if you’re excited by the idea of an unfairly large transaction with some douchewad on ebay, by all means!
For the rest of us: