King Missile - They

Hay, remember when King Missile wasn't just an innocuous novelty act?
I don't.
In fact, I don't even remember when King Missile was just an innocuous novelty act. Hell, "Detachable Penis" debuted when I was friggin' 4 - a time when the horror of misplacing my genitals could have permanently damaged my psyche. I didn't have 22 dollars to save my life, let alone 17 to toss around into the red for the return of my manhood. Some people could've put a lot of pressure on me to get it permanently attached, but I wouldn't know - even though sometimes it could be a pain in the ass -
I could've liked having a detachable penis.
DUNT DUNT DUNT DUNT DUNT DUN
DUNT DUNT DUNT DUNT DUN DUN
DETACHABLE PEEEEEEEEENIIIS
DUNT DUNT DUNT DUNT DUN
etc.

Seriously though, the last significant mainstream movement fizzed out when I was entering Kindergarten. I never "lost my hero", and not surprisingly, never felt any attachment to a genre based primarily on not sounding like hair metal.
But you didn't come here for my delightful observations, you came here to not pay for music created by the band King Missile!

King Missile's golden era was unfortunately short lived, much like a butterfly (that's also on fire), due primarily to founding member Dogbowl's contributions and (apparently) musical directive leaving when he left.
That sentence wasn't very well written.
I wrote the bulk of this post when I was heavily intoxicated with sleepiness, but I refuse to edit since I'm all about giving you the REAL, RAW, UNINHIBITED AND UNCENSORED STEVE HUGHES BLOG EXPERIENCE/EXTRAVAGANZA. I mean, otherwise I'd have to repackage the rough copy on the final copy as a "rehearsal bonus track" or some hokey shit.
What I was basically trying to get across:
OOG, DOGBOWL LEFT BAND AND THEN KING MISSILE NOT SO GOOD EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE THINK VOCALIST JOHN'S LYRICS WERE THE CORNERSTONE OF THEIR APPEAL. THEIR NEXT ALBUM FULL OF BORING, BUT THEY ALMOST AS GOOD LATER. UNGA!

"They" is a wonderfully mellow, silly, and ironic batch of catchy little acoustic ditties that somehow never lose their appeal despite their 3-chord simplicity. The melodies are nothing groundbreaking, but there's something oddly unique about their presentation that elevates this lineup LEAGUES above their contemporaries at the time!
Or not. What the fuck do I know? Did KM even have neighbors of stylistic semblance? Doesn't it seem ludicrous to drop the word "contemporary" into a review without isolating the traits that made these so-called contemporaries RELEVANT?
"Just like contemporaries Big Youth and The Human League, King Missile recorded instrumental arrangements accompanied by vocal emissions!"

The lesson here is: learn to pick out the music-reviewer cliches and ignore them.

It's not much of a stretch to guess that this album is out of print currently, but I'll give you the benefit of the whogivesashit.

http://www.mediafire.com/?m3q2y0vqnzr

If you dig this, seriously check out Dogbowl's solo discography. I'll probably be posting "Tit! An Opera" or "Flan" (which has an accompanying novel I've never read) sometime in the near future, but I'll also probably not be posting it in the near future because I'm worthless.
Cheers!

Dawson MEGAPOST

So for the last week, I've been lurking on 4chan's /mu/ board and

(page views dip into negative integers)

(prospective followers hack huge wads onto their monitors and go outside)

GODDAMMIT, LET ME FINISH

So anyway, for the past week I've been lurking on 4chan's /mu/ (the music board) almost constantly as a sort of social experiment (despite having little to no way of gauging the social aspects of the so-called "experiment" and

Y'know what: let's start over, 'cause I'm not feeling all too intellectual today and have one simple observation to share.

If /mu/ is a relatively accurate core sample of the current base of music-enthusiasts on planet Earth, I have a nervous feeling everyone has "wised up" too much for anyone to be able to state their appreciation for decidedly more "left field" music without being deemed an ironic, posed-eclectic, hipster douchebag whose only interest in their respective branches is the heightened sense of status. Come on, now! I'm as cynical as the next guy, but this is AMERICA YOU AND ME AIN'T THIS AMERICA SOMETHING TO SEE BABY AIN'T THIS AMERICA HOME OF THE FREE AND THEN SOMETHING SOMETHING EFFEMINATE HOUSES

I sensed an easily debunked incomplete statement encroaching, so I handed the keyboard over to John "Jaguar" Mellencamp. Hope you didn't mind.


If you aren't familiar with Dawson, then where have you been? Above a rock? With close to 100% of the Earth's population? For the uninitiated, Dawson are a criminally unknown Scottish punk-esque band in the vein of their neighbors, the Dog Faced Hermans, Whirling Pig Dervish, De Kift, The Ex, Archbishop Kebab, and a quarter-oodle of other bands who are often pegged mysteriously as "anarcho punk". Dawson existed from [date] all the way to [later date] and released three incredibly good albums with such shit-awful distributing skills that you're more likely to stumble upon a used bin WITHOUT 3 copies of [disappointing topical album]!!

Oh yeah, did you hear that Michael Jackson's dead?

[insert overdone quasi-offensive joke "too soon" to be tasteful]

Dawson played noisy, scratchy, funk/dub/jazz/eclectica-laden punk rawk that was difficult to pigeonhole, especially since they progressed heavily from one album to the next.
1.) Barfmarket: You're Ontae Plums

http://www.mediafire.com/?2ydhritimei

2.) How To Follow So That Others Will Willingly Lead

http://www.mediafire.com/?tx40nvnytmj

3.) Terminal Island

http://www.mediafire.com/?nd3twnm0zzo

To give credit where credit is due, Mr. Dave Lang of Lexicon Devil introduced me (impersonally) to these guys, Barfmarket was originally uploaded by Nothin' Sez Somethin' and How To Follow was originally uploaded by X-Ray Barbeque. Czech 'em out, as they're mostly superior to my watered-down imitation blog and self-deprecating self-deprecation of self etc. The rest came from my good 'ol pal, soulseek.

As an aside, Velvety Sheath Glistening Sword uploaded Terminal Island as well, if that's any indication of the content surrounding it (hint hint).

ALSO: check out this bullshit. For a bunch of fuckin' millionaires, Metallica sure is protective of their "art".

Cows - Taint Plurbis Taint Unum

If you're one of the 5-10 internet-goers who haven't become completely desensitized to the concepts of 'theft via file sharing', this is an album with no honorable strings attached: the Cows' Taint Plurbis Taint Unum.

If you've already established a fan-status for Minneapolis' Cows' more readily available material, it's unfortunately probable you not only haven't heard this album, but likely weren't even aware of it's existence until recent years. Y'see, way back in '87, the Cows released this debut full-length on Treehouse Records, only to switch over to Amphetamine Reptile in '89. According to Amp Rep's Tom Hazelmeyer, Treehouse's main-man was a bit irked by this transition, and in return, refused to allow Haze to reissue the album. Skip ahead about 20 years, gazillions of old people have croaked, and Treehouse's owner is still distributing the album, but over ebay for ridiculously jacked up prices instead of his own label.

Doesn't that "get your goat" or some other cliche I know not the etymology of? THEN HEY - give it a steal:

http://www.mediafire.com/?zmtyejmyfle

Aurally, this is probably the Cows' most noisy and abrasive release, with a fantastically raw, scratchy quality that would later be outsourced for a more bass-heavy, full-bodied production (and even later, a moog-based cornerstone of rave-pop). As uninviting as it may sound at first, give it the benefit of the doubt - it never traverses the valley to Amorphousblobofrhythmicnoiseville or shakes hands with the mayor of Obnoxiousfeedbackdickery City.

I was kidding about the moog thing.




They use casios.

Contortions - Buy

I PURCHASED THIS RECORD ALBUM BECAUSE I AM EASILY SWAYED OUT OF MY HARD EARNED MONEY BY ICONIC ARTWORK INVOLVING SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN. I GUESS THERE'S ALSO SOME MUSIC AND SHIT BUT I'M AN OVERSIMPLIFIED PARIAH FIGURE THIS BAND IRONICALLY TARGETED BY PARODYING SEX APPEAL IN ADVERTISING ON THEIR SOLE LP.

That wasn't as funny as I hoped. Can I offer you a vile of clown sperm in retribution? That's like distilled hilarious.

In less pressing news, The Contortions were perhaps the most significant (albeit least representative) of the New York No Wave scene blooming in the late 70's-early 80's. By "least representative" I mean the glut of No Wave bands are atonal, wailing, racket, while the Contortions actually had a well-practiced, tight groove that happened to be just as noisy and confrontational as their peers. It's not that Teenage Jesus and DNA don't appeal to me (they do), but with all their gusto, it was rare that they turned their idiosyncrasies into anything memorable that your everyday Joe might stumble upon (in NYC on this fine day in 1980)..

Buy is 9 tracks of rigid drum patterns, scrappy jazzy guitar, funky basslines, and the skronkin' sax and high energy yelps of James Chance - all within a half-hour; perfect for someone breaking into the genre to stomach. The album is out of print (I think?), but if you’re excited by the idea of an unfairly large transaction with some douchewad on ebay, by all means!

For the rest of us:

www.mediafire.com/?y1wmznolme1

KUKL - The Eye

Say, you like vaguely folkish avant-rock parading under the guise of anarcho, right? Of course you do. And who doesn't? Aside from me a few years ago who expected this to be a ripsnortin' punk RAWK album, but hey, that guy was a dick anyway.

Y'see, KUKL (or sometimes turned inexplicable acronym: K.U.K.L) is a rare breed of band that more often than not gets referred to as an "anarcho punk" band despite have little to no stylistic connection to punk rock. Instead, we get a highly unusual grab-bag of ethereal keyboard swashes, shambling "gothic" guitars, horns, whistles, flutes, the kitchen sink, and Björk wailing alongside some -

Oops. By the way, KUKL is singer Björk's second real band after Tappi Tíkarrass and before Sugarcubes and the solo stuff. I forgot to mention that earlier.

- guy named Einar Örn Benediktsson who's vocals resemble severe asthma. Together, they form a happy family and record two fantastic albums - the first of which, is right here for you to enjoy:

http://www.mediafire.com/?tzzz1wdiyiz

Lastly, don't pick this up expecting anything like the Sugarcubes' alterna-rock or Björk's dancey left-field pop - this is an entirely different beast that'll sit snuggly between your old "anarcho punk" albums by Chumbawamba and Dog Faced Hermans.

Lastlylastly: you can pick this up on amazon surprisingly cheap. Hint hint.

Sebadoh - The Freed Man

Here's a treat for all you purist assholes out there - Sebadoh's The Freed Man with the original tracklisting and none of those pesky bonus numbers interspersed shamelessly throughout!
This was actually a bit of a challenge to assemble, since many of the tracks only seemed to exist in the soulseek microcosm, but it was totally worthwhile.

If you're new to Sebadoh, or have only familiarized yourself with the post-Gaffney albums, The Freed Man is a gigantic heap of somewhat silly, somewhat sloppy, weed-cl0uded bedroom recordings with the audio clarity of a 4-track wrapped in cellophane. At this point, it was just Lou and Eric screwing around, but the ideas presented on this album are fantastically catchy and entertaining as anything they would go on to write on their "classic"III a few years later.

Except not. Because I like this album more than III.

Anyway:

hxxp://www.mediafire.com/file/o3tdznndri3/the freed man.rar

OBLIGATORY COMMENT ABOUT BUYING THIS ALBUM IF YOU ENJOY IT

On an unrelated note, The Tragically Hip might be my least favorite band. Good god do they slurp on donkey pole.

INTRO

FIRST OF ALL:
Observe the title of my blog.
HOW HILARIOUS AND BOLD OF ME, RIGHT? WHO ELSE IN THIS SOMBER DAY AND AGE WOULD PARODY THE WORKS OF ESTEEMED MUSIC CRITIC ALEX ROSS IN SUCH A DELIGHTFULLY IRONIC MANNER? YOU SEE, WHILE ESTEEMED MUSIC CRITIC ALEX ROSS SINGS PRAISE TO THE DYNAMIC, SHIFTING TEXTURAL SOUNDSCAPES THAT DOMINATE THE TWENTIETH CENTURY, I ACCLAIM TUNELESS BULLSHIT THAT

Oops. Apparently the title of Alex Ross' collection is "The Rest Is Noise", not "The Rest Is JUST Noise" as I had believed prior to uncovering the bottomless vistas of possibility that search engines offer.

Anyway, gut-busting shenanigans aside, my name is Steve Hughes, and I created this blog (like I assume most people have) presumably out of overflowing egomania, but also because I've become pretty passionate about music in the last 5 years.

To prevent any future bullshittery, I will be upfront RIGHT IN THIS VERY BLOG: I'm only 20. I figure stating this now will help me resist all future temptations to miraculously age myself 5-10 years in order to attain credibility in arguments that might ensue or platitudes that might topple off my tongue like a shitty metaphor I don't feel like thinking up.

Last thing:
Here's a swell trick I figured out in the past year or so that I'd love to share with the 0% of individuals currently reading this blog:
1.) GO TO FUCKING GOOGLEDOTCOM OR SOME SHIT
2.) TYPE IN THE NAME OF THE ARTIST FOLLOWED BY THE ALBUM TITLE
3.) FINISH IT UP WITH THE WORD "BLOGSPOT"
Ex: artist album blogspot
4.) HIT 'SEARCH'
5.) ????
6.) PROFIT!!!*

*By performing this simple string of actions, you'll most likely find some keen blog-owner has uploaded the album you're looking for with the intention of you (the lucky treasure hunter) downloading it to enjoy and ultimately, purchase a physical copy of to support the artist.

...unless of course, the album in question is rare as shit, and you realize giving some asshole on ebay a hundred bucks for it won't help the band feed themselves.

MY ADVICE: perform the 6 steps showcased above for any given Metallica album - even if you have no desire to listen to Metallica. Just download their entire discography and delete it. Trust me, the band is totally chill with you doing this.

ACTUAL CONTENT COMING SOON